and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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