I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
