Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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