next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
