I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
