Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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