I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
