My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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