well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
