You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
