The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
