I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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