I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
