how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
