You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
