I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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