So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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