i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
