I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
