I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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