I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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