Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
