you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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