i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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