My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
