omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
