I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
