I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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