Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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