we have pet lesbian snakes
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
