Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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