I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I need a burrito and a hug.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
