If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
