does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
