my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
