No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
