were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
