I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
