omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
