just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
