So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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