I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
