and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
