Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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