My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
