some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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