Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
