I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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