You can't special order awesome
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
