it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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