I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
