i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
