So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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