I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
