New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
