You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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