I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Randomize
