I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I need moral support for this bender
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i believe in u and ur pee
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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