you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
