I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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