everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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